My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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