my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
