We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
