My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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