i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
