Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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