Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize