i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
