I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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