ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
