yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
