i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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