the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
