everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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