Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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