i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
