last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
