I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
