my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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