I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
