i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
