If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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