Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
