Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
