Best friends brother. Beat that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
