If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
