i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
