I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
