I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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