Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
