You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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