I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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