he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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