Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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