Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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