i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was like eating out sand paper
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
