so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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