We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
