If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
