EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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