all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
