Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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