I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
