so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
