I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
