my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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