i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
