god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
