When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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