Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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