If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
