So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
be right there i have to get my cape
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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