i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
