your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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