Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
