yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
