im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize