Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
