Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
where does the pee come out of this thing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
