and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
