Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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