I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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