Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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