drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
