i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
