The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
