there's paper in my vomit.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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