I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
