I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
