I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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