The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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