Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
