I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
