Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
