I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Help. Why am I so naked?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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